We’ve told her if it’s too much pressure, she doesn’t have to play club and just play in high school if she wants to. SHe is worth it. I get bored at the fact that I have to go to a party. I find it very interesting that one of the things you highlighted was the importance of finding a job she was passionate about. She tells me I’m too loud and talk too much. I dont want her to be lonely! This sounds like my son, 14. I discovered that she is definitely an introvert & definitely have struggled with her before and after knowing. Try not to look bored when you’re quiet but smile and look into their eyes when they’re talking. When she was younger, my husband and I didn’t think about it too much and just thought with maturity and confidence she would grow out of it. I am extraverted the same with my first two daughters, then I had a 3rd daughter and I knew as a baby she was different then what I was use to. Instead of focusing on your teen’s supposed deficiencies, accept him just as he is. Related: 5 Activities for Your Introverted Child. One important thing to do as you raise your introverted teen is to understand what being introverted means. “My daughter has suddenly stopped talking at home? My mom and her boyfriend see this as odd as they constantly compare me to themselves when they were my age. We do everything that is described above already but he doesn’t ever want to make himself be the center of attention. The opposite of love is not hate it’s not giving a damn. Then I told her about my crazy day. Basically, you are an old soul in a teen body. I’m an extrovert mom with an introvert 14 year old daughter. I’m an introvert too, and I transferred from a large university to a small liberal arts college. Also, should I be taking the phone away when in school/sport groups? My parents don’t know that I am an introvert and they try to push me into doing things I don’t want to do, like spend time with them or go to public places. That is great and I encourage him to do so. Introverts can have a hard time being friendly to acquaintances. Her coaches have been great and kind of handle her with kids glove. It’s too late in the game to change positions nor does she want to change positions. How do we, at least, build his confidence so he can play to his fullest potential? Highly sensitive pe… How to help your kids thrive in an extroverted world Positive reinforcement – You cannot change your children into extroverts, but you can help them cope It took me a few years to realize that the reason my eldest, Maggie, was so upset at times, was because she was overwhelmed with a family that never met her needs as an Introvert. You might be thinking, “but my teenager never has anything to say”. Introverted children are not afraid of the big questions. For example, she should only work in jobs that that she is passionate about, even if it mean volunteering. Thanks in advance!! For example, saying things like “I’m so impressed by how intelligent and thoughtful you were about ___” or “I appreciate the way that you____”. I eventually decided to leave them but since they were the “populars” that meant I had to spend some time alone. Well, I got nothing against my family. Many introverts are highly self-critical. This was a fantastic experience because she was able to see that introversion is good, and that she was doing all of the right things to deal with her phobias. Be calm and don’t engage. But when I get to college it will be my problem too because I won’t have any friends. From there to other non-threatening, inconsequential things. Sure, being charismatic is great for customer service jobs, but there are plenty of other jobs where it doesn’t matter. I feel in the same way with my parents. Parents who engage in power struggles with their willful child usually end up empowering the child’s insistence and opposition. I am worried about my 13 year old daughter, she is a lovely girl, she is clever, artistic and musical but she is also very shy and introverted. Reply. As your child matures, it’s important to respect their unique needs and individual differences from you while also holding healthy boundaries. I hate how being reserved is mistaken for rudeness. While he DOSN’T see see talking to my two good friends at lunch, and the girl next to me at art (I like to draw). My daughter is an Introvert. Most introverts can talk at length about topics that are of interest to them. I have something everyday almost and that is good enough for me. . Not only does it signal to others openness and comfort, but it signals to your own … I don’t want her on the phone texting her one small group of friends when with team or other school friends but when I make her put it down she just sits there. Attune to the teens mood. . Me too, I am also finding my introvert teenage son enigmatic. Don’t push her to make friends, as she will think you feel something is wrong with her. Jamyang C June 23rd, 2020 . I am so worried abput her cause she has no friends. I’m an 18 year old female introvert and I am the only introvert in my family. Here are 3 ways to. It is still a struggle for her and we are running out of ideas as to how to help her. I recently signed him up for an after school program that he was going along with for the most part but now there is a group project and he does not want to attend anymore. It was my intent to say that this was not an issue unless the teenager wanted more friends. She is very intelligent too but don’t try as hard as she could for good grades. Consequently, introverted behaviors, like spending a lot of time alone, and not talking very much, are viewed as strange. He has his phone but doesn’t use it much for social media except to watch videos. and im crazy with friends and calm with parents i can be chill and people have to REALLY earn my trust to even know my name at times there is a lot know one knows about me and my mind is……. My daughtet is 30 and we just cant get along. Having said all of that, it’s easy to see why many extroverted parents have no clue how to deal with an introverted teenager. His voice is very monotone. My dad hates me because i’m an introvert… Since I am an extrovert, I get energy from other people, so I don’t get overwhelmed like she does. What should you do when you are carpooling a bunch of introverted 13 year old girls but you are an extroverted parent? Sorry for the long post, but I need some suggestions or ideas… She decided to go visit the top US research facility for social anxiety and met with one of their psychologists twice for private counseling. I am somewhat of an introvert as well. Ten goals to strive for when raising a teen daughter . Parenting is possible only if you are your child’s secure base. At first, she assumed that something was wrong with her son. In case you couldn’t guess, my kids are introverts. When I was in high school, I made most of my friends at church or on Students’ Council. He’s been seeing a therapist for apprx 5 mos and things have improved somewhat but the big eye opener for my husband and I was yesterday when we had a visit with the same therapist and we discussed our son being so introverted. However, it was a long road. Instead of scolding them – teach them that a nod or a smile would be the polite thing to do. As an introverted teen, you tend to be more introspective and reflective than many of your friends. I have read many articles and believe my son is an introvert. I have 10 + years old son. 3. Every time he pushes me to talk to the girl sitting next to me in 8th period (nothing in common, chatterbox, and somewhat annoying.) I’m 17 years old. We all have an inherent need for human connection, even introverted teenagers. I can’t get her to come out of her room, and when I give her things to do, IF she does it she’s right back in her room again. xo. I try to talk to her and show affection but she pushes me away. They are creative, peace-loving, and full of empathy. We are moving to another state in 5 months and I truly want to help her find some friends who “get” her and treat her with the affection she deserves. Your introverted teen may be better at comforting and/or entertaining herself. We started using words to comment on our cat, who plopped down near us purring loudly and demanding pets. I’m the mom of an introverted teen. Don’t let people label you, you know yourself best. →, The only social interaction they have is through video games or social media, They spend hours reading as a way to escape reality, They refuse to have social interaction with new people. Even if it’s just reading together in the same room, your introverted teen is more likely to open up about things going on in their life when you spend some time together than if you don’t. I am from Albania and I am the mother of a teen boy…. I just don’t want her miss diognosed with depression. I am very comfortable being an introvert. Here are some introvert friendly tips. Be a sounding board not a prescriber. My 16 yoa son has a story similar to so many of you. We don’t have the best communicative relationship (“Two introverts walk into a bar…”). Hi Hauata. It’s a world applauding the gregarious people, promoting and giving opportunities to the extrovert’s. It can be difficult to be an introvert in high school. I used to always be trying to encourage him to go out and party but he’s happiest in his room or with family. I do feel bad that maybe he is lonely but he’s a lovely young man and goes to college and works at weekends. It iincredibly difficult to know what to say or do because it’s seems I’m always upsetting her. She has zero friends and started dating a punk bad boy (her fathers girlfriends son) They get frustrated with our tendency to pull away and thus get more aggressive and pushy. And I agree with them sometimes. My intent was to say that some times a teen in introverted and as a result isolates more that some others and this may be the reason. Understanding Introvert Child and personality. Today. I accept me and all my Introverted ways and hope they will too one day. Hello, A lot of extroverts misunderstand introverted behavior for three main reasons: 1. I guess he gets it from me. Have them understand what it’s like and then it’s up to them to accept. Hearing things like this puts me on edge and I start to wonder if I have made a mistake by signing him up for this program. Which I might be, but I don’t think so. I told the guy and he even understands me (even though I still feel so guilty). I have issues on my 5yr old daughter. But I don’t get on her too much about that, just try to get her to understand what she COULD be. Dear anonymous, thanks for your post. It makes me feel so guilty and worthless and I cried for hours uncontrollably. I feel so bad about it because all I wanted to do was help him. Even though I empathize with his introversion, it pains me to see him unhappy. She opted to homeschool this year because school is draining her and her grades were terrible. My question is how do I approach my daughter about her personal laziness, appearance and general apathy towards everything? Any advise would be helpful please. No exception: we don’t have second chances with them. Because of their innate needs for alone time, it can be difficult to feel like you’re included in your introverted teen’s world. Thank you so much for this article and all of the comments. 2. If I tell her to do something she just don’t want to do she rolls her eyes and stomps to her room. Hi, it sounds like a tough situation. thanks in advance for your direction!! He will immediately be able to sense your acceptance and will feel happier and more secure around you. I stayed home and went to community college and after that, I plan to go to a 4 year college and want to go far away just to force myself to make friends. It’s hard especially with the HSP (can feel in every small change and the world don’t care ), HSP prefer quiet and peacfull enviroument . He is very athletically talented in every sport but his personality gets in the way of his performance and it is easy to get into his head and then he just shuts down. Instead of scolding them – teach them that a nod or a smile would be the polite thing to do. People sometimes mistake me as a snob or boring but I actually think we are all equals and have a fun character. My oldest has his video games and when he’s on them, he comes alive. I needed this!! Don’t Label Introversion as Shy I pray that I can develop a better relationship with my son and that he will forgive and learn to trust me someday. As she was growing up, and now she says she don’t want people talking to her or bothering with her. My dad was an marine so talking head is the worst idea imaginable. Thank you for your article and the on-going comments. I am not a teen (i am 21) but my family is very loud and energetic. Not sure where to turn. Not understanding your kids has been a problem for centuries. Your daughter needs love, acceptance and companionship. 3) Recognize introverted verses extroverted interests. Introversion and the Teen Years "Preference-for-solitude" is harder on young teens than on older kids. My 13 year old daughter is too shy and introverted. She always had a small group of friends in high school,but that fell apart as the group began to go their own way! My introvert is often considered anti social or weird. Listen and empathize keep advice to a minimum. Here's how introverts can make REAL friends online. Thanks for enlightening me! You can also add that you’ll check in at a certain time the next day, so they can anticipate the upcoming discussion. Kind of lost without the daily routine. We as parents have seen the same system right from our glorious childhood. One small thing you can do to remind them of this is saying positive affirmations to them on a regular basis. I always felt embarrassed when he wouldn’t talk to,people I wanted him to talk to. Hopefully this article will help. I think your advice is pretty much right on target. Deb. He values his alone time but feels like he is missing out on a lot of fun. He was willing to train her in an area she had never considered. My sister is an introvert too, and my brother is an ESTJ (it’s funny because my sister and I are INFPs). My 18 year old daughter is an introvert and I’m more of an introverted extravert. 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